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My partner earns too little money – when lack of money puts a strain on the relationship

My partner earns too little money - when lack of money puts a strain on the relationship

True love doesn’t ask about the balance in your bank account. Many people adhere to this principle – at least when they are freshly in love. Unfortunately, just as many people later discover that large differences in income can become a test of love. If one partner is much wealthier than the other or earns far more, he or she may initially be inclined to help finance the other and bear the costs of joint ventures all by himself or herself. If this situation persists, however, he will eventually wonder whether he is being taken advantage of.

Do you have a partner who earns little and is money a regular topic of argument in your relationship? If you’re wondering how best to deal with this sensitive issue, be sure to read on.

Identify the real reason: Why doesn't your partner have money?

The reasons for lack of money are many. Maybe your boyfriend or girlfriend has debts that he or she needs to pay off. Or your partner is simply very wasteful with his or her income. Or maybe you’re dating a woman who’s in the middle of her studies, or you’ve hooked up with a guy who has a butcher-paying job or generally doesn’t think much of going to work. How you feel about your partner’s lack of money depends a lot on how it comes about. Most of the time, we find it easier to support our better half financially when they are ambitious and hardworking than when we find that they are not trying hard to earn more.

If you have the feeling that your partner likes to lie on his or her lazy skin and willingly lets you put up with him or her, it’s only understandable if things start to break down more often in your relationship. Then you should make it clear that you are not willing to finance the majority of your expenses alone. If your partner does not change his behavior, be consistent and end the relationship. The situation is different if your sweetheart is tinkering with his career or is doing something that pays less than your job. Then you should make clear agreements about who can and wants to pay for which expenses. In any case, you can offer to support your partner in changing his or her financial situation, if he or she is willing to do so.

Invest in the partnership: It doesn't always have to be money

Both partners should always invest in a relationship. But it’s not just about money. If you have more money than your partner, you might be the one to pick up the tab at the Italian restaurant or pay for a weekend trip. If your boyfriend or girlfriend likes to cook for you in return and a nicely laid table with your favorite food awaits you at home from time to time, a kind of balance can already be established. Ultimately, it’s important that you both make an effort to do something good for the other person. Even if you are financially better off, your expressions of love don’t always have to come in the form of expensive gifts. Because if you spend a lot of money on your partner, you run the risk that he or she will feel inferior to you at some point, because he or she cannot give you so much in return. It’s better if you think together about how you can have fun without spending a lot of money.

Give only if you feel comfortable doing so

It is often the case at the beginning of a relationship that we are happy to spend money on our partner, especially if they are not doing so well financially and the expenses are easy for us to handle. This is a free decision and usually doesn’t cause either of us a stomach ache. Only when the relationship progresses and we permanently finance the majority of the joint expenses, at some point discomfort arises. Therefore, you should make sure that you only spend money on your boyfriend or girlfriend if you do it with all your heart and feel comfortable doing so. You are not only doing it for him or her, but also for your relationship and for yourself, because you like to go out and have your partner with you. However, as soon as you notice that you start to suspect that you are being taken advantage of or that you are angry because your partner is spending his or her money on other things instead of on your joint activities, you should curb your spending spree. Otherwise, your accumulated frustration will eventually explode into a storm of accusations against your partner, who may not even understand why you are suddenly angry, since you have always voluntarily pulled out your wallet.

Treat yourself - alone if necessary

In addition to the desire for self-fulfillment and sensual activity, most people work to cover their current living expenses and, of course, to fulfill a wish and indulge in a little luxury every now and then. If, for whatever reason, your partner earns less money than you do, you are not responsible for providing him or her with a standard of living equal to yours. This means that you should regularly treat yourself to something with your money that pleases you – even without your partner if necessary. For example, if you love to go out for an expensive meal, you can simply share the experience with your sister or best friend. And if you want to reward yourself for your promotion with a precious gift to yourself, then do it. You don’t have to feel bad about it just because your boyfriend or girlfriend can’t afford something similar. Because if you always take your partner’s financial status into consideration, don’t treat yourself to anything, and perhaps sacrifice your hard-earned money to pay off his or her debts, you will sooner or later become dissatisfied. Feelings for your partner could then cool down very quickly.

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